Monday, December 31, 2012

What I have Learned in 2012 and A New Year

        On New Years Eve I cant help but to be reminded of what the past year has held for me.  This past year has been rough in many ways, there were a lot of those moments when I threw up my hands and cried.  (then picked myself up and went on)  Every year or in reality every day I am evolving into a better me.  Every new year I set forth to be a better person to be kind, compassionate, forgiving, loving, understanding, and above all not to judge others.  I also have the goal of taking better care of myself, loosing weight, and the ever elusive being more organized.  Every year I do a little better on some of these long term goals.
        When I sit down and look at my spiritual growth over the past 10 years I am amazed.  I changed from a negative type A person to a positive relaxed person.  Am I where I want to be? No, not yet there are still days when life hits me to fast and I fall into past behaviors but the difference is I am aware of it.  I am a firm believer we are put on this Earth to learn, to grow, to change into better people.
          One of the more unexpected changes to my life over the past year has been my faith.  For the better part of ten years I have been pagan.  I am not wiccan nor am I even a traditional pagan.  I have never truly fit in with any one religion though I have tried many and studied even more.  Sometimes it turns out that answers come slowly and unexpectedly.  When you look at just about every religion on Earth past or present they seem different and some seem to contradict others so finding the right one seems nearly impossible.  The thing is at their core religions they are the same. It is human beings who have twisted the meanings into the radical differences we see.  My problem is not with God it turns out, in fact he has been with me a lot this year and I feel his love every day, my issue is religion. In every religion I have studied the real meaning without the human input is simple:
1. LOVE & Respect each other. (& Yourself!!) This means UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. There should never be a day in your life where you say I love you but, nor should there ever be a day where your love hinges on someone doing something for you nor changing who they are to please you. REAL LOVE has no buts, no conditions it is simple and forgiving. If you do not understand this I know its seems weird but think of how you feel about your child (If you do not have one imagine it) No matter what happens, nor no matter what they do even if it is something horrible you will still love them. This is the kind of love God means for us to have in our lives it is our society/culture that tells us we need conditions on it.
2. Do not LIE (also seems simple right and no it doesn't mean you have to tell someone their jeans make them look fat it just means live an honest life. What is an honest life you ask? Simple take responsibility for your own actions. In the 10 Commandments it says not to bear false witness. I think what is meant by this at heart goes far deeper then just do not lie about others. I think at heart this means do not lie to yourself either. We live in a world where everyone wants to blame someone else for their problems but the reality of this is we are all responsible for our own lives after we hit adulthood. Are there life events that are far beyond our control yes, are there people that hurt us yes, BUT the way we react, the way we go on from that point onwards is in our control.) Another example is our current economy. We all had a hand in this we all wanted those cheap prices forgetting that they are cheap because the factory is in another country where decent labor laws do not exist. We all wanted to save that .50 but what it really cost was high greater then what we saved. It cost people in our country their jobs which in turn meant less money going into our economy because if you do not have money how can you spend it. We chose to let that mom and pop shop go out of business for the .50 price break because man those quarters add up but we missed the loss of jobs and income into our economy.  We all have sat and allowed our government to spend tax dollars on whatever they wanted without consequences. We believed them when they said it was our welfare, social security, and med caid insurance (the poor's) fault. We allowed them to continue to cut benefits to those in need while they raised their already gigantic salary. (A congressman earns $174,000 a year in salary not including benefits with benefits it is closer to $500,000. There are 435 members and they work roughly 78 days a year. The average person on SSI receives $14,000 with medicare benefits which not only do you pay monthly on but also have a 20% share of cost we can say at the very top of the ladder it could be equal to $18,000 annually. People on welfare or ssi (for diability) receive even less then this. Also medicare does NOT include vision, dental, hearing, nor prescriptions you can however add those kind of plans for even more money. So basically one congressman's salary could support 9 and half senior citizens. Just one of many examples I could list but my disgust at our nations waste is a post for another day.
 3. Treat your neighbor with love and kindness (this actually means everyone but when written obviously the world did not seem so big and our neighbors were a lot closer)
 4. Do not JUDGE others (remember the whole dont judge or ye shall be judged? This is what it meant,  only GOD is perfect enough to judge another human being and no he doesn't care if you are interpreting the bible to justify your judgement it is still wrong)
5. Do NOT kill people (seems simple huh? No not even if they deserve it)
6. Do NOT covet thy neighbors stuff nor be envious (I know what your thinking, what is the harm right? Well here it is: When you start looking at what someone else has it plants the seed of dis-satisfaction. Soon you will be working more to get the money to get the thing that you wanted yet no matter how many hours you work, how much you neglect those you love, you will never be satisfied. The simple truth is all of our wants come down to greed. Are their things we need in our lives yes, but do we need the brand new iphone that just came out even though ours is only a year old no.  The entire culture of the United States is founded on this simple weakness in human character.  Instead of  looking at what we do not have (I am only talking items, cash ect,) and ever wanting more we need to love and appreciate what we have.  I promise as soon as you love and appreciate what you have for a while you will be a thousand times happier. As that is what God intended. )
7. Do not worship false idols. (Also simple right? No not exactly. I truly believe in the ten commandments where he says not to worship false idols it means this; Do not worship human beings. I think at the root of the entire universe there is one God whom may have a appeared in many different forms.  I believe during the time period he appeared man misinterpreted his words. God does not want you to worship another human being why? Because human beings are imperfect their is no prophet nor saint who can ever be perfect enough to claim he has the rights of God.)
8. Honor your mother and father(elders). This one has two meanings.
         a. On a deeper level it goes back to loving god our creator even he needed both male and female to be born into human form.
         b. It also means our parents as in those who raised us. This one is hard for some of us. It has been very hard for me in the past and in the present because my parents have done some horrible stuff to me. In fact today my Dad called me a deadbeat and I spent the day crying.  I still love him and respect him as my father just as I do with my mother. Does this mean I should allow them to use me as an emotional punching bag? NO but it does mean they gave me life. It also means to listen to your elders because all mothers and fathers have some wisdom to give us if we are willing to sit down and listen.
       Are any of these easy? No not really. They are very simple but incredibly hard. That is the way it is mean to be.  There is temptation everywhere; our tvs, magazines, internet, radio, friends and family all bring temptation into our lives. For example I am prone to judgement.  When I look at the magazines in the check out line I can easily be caught up in their gossip. I mean OMG Jessica Simpson got fat! But, you see instead of falling into the judgement that the magazine is making I need to say so what. I do not live her life (I happen to be fat myself) I do not know her place and she is a beautiful person no matter her weight.  (Judging others is the one I fall into so easily so it is the one that came to mind the fastest.) God wants us to be happy, to live our lives and learn to be better people. In order to do this though we have to work at it. We have to be tempted to do the wrong thing in order to do the right thing.  I still love and accept all my friends and family and their beliefs, even when I do not always agree with some of them. (Like the several who are seriously anti gay marriage)  I hope some day they find a way to love all Gods children because God loves all of us he does not put conditions on his love, friendship, support, and forgiveness only man does that.
     Did I fall short of some of my goals this past year? Yes, I did but that is ok. I made progress. I will never be perfect and I am thankful for that. I am not sure I even made progress on my goal to be more organized but there is always next year. This coming year I look forward to writing more, listening better, helping where I can, and sharing what I have learned. This blog is for me to express who I am and to remind me of who I want to be. (No worries I will at times be sharing my jewelry, giveaways, and supplier reviews)


Thursday, December 27, 2012

What I Have Now That I didn't Have Before- HOPE

       I have found HOPE that someday I will have more good fibro days then bad. 
     My new found hope is my wii fit. I have been trying to use it as often as possible. My goal is to do it daily but a severe case of bronchitis has made that impossible. I have used it at least 5 days of each of the prior two weeks.
      I started with simple basic rhythm kung fu. (My son swears its not real kung fu because I am not attacking anyone)  For me it is perfect as it mostly focuses on upper body and the movements are low impact it burns calories and helps my balance.  I began with a large 60% left side 40% right on the balance test.  This did not really surprise me because I know that since my right leg is often up to 5cm shorter then my left I tend to place way more weight on my left leg.  Unfortunately doing this has not only worsened my bodies misalignment but has also caused damage to my left hip, knee, and ankle. I  think it may be improving my nerve signals to my legs as well.  When I began it seemed like there was a far longer delay when I told my legs to lift then I have now.
      What I do is I first log on to my wii fit character and do the weight and balance test. In the future I will probably use more of the awesome stuff available but for now I do my weight, bmi, and balance and then move onto Rythm Kung Fu.  It is a simple activity that takes 3 minutes.  I started by doing two sessions so a total of six minutes.  I have worked my way up to 15 minutes over the last two weeks. That is five sessions of 3 minutes of kung fu. I take a small break in between each to drink water and stretch my back. (Ive been out of my muscle relaxers so back spasms have been a daily issue) I have felt the improvement to my movements. Am I still in pain YES but I can move easier and more importantly I can do things without hurting myself.  I do exactly as much as my body tells me I can do. If I start spasming up to much are get to winded I stop, because as long as I do it even if all I can do is 3 minutes then I am making steps toward my goal.

Friday, December 14, 2012

Craft Shows and Social Anxiety Disorder

     Oh wow it's been a month since my last post. I guess my writing every week idea hasn't quite happened yet. Part of my issue is all my great writing ideas come at the middle of the night and who wants to climb out of their warm comfy bed to go write on a blog. (I certainly do not.) 
     So I finally went and stayed at not one but two craft shows! I was so proud of myself for finally doing it. I had a lot of fun honestly. The first craft show was super small which made me feel so much more comfortable.  It took some serious resolve to get myself to go.  I spent hours debating over all the things the many lists I studied on what you should bring.  In the end most of what they listed was completely useless for me.  However I did need risers, I used different sized small boxes wrapped in a pretty gold paper. All my displays were black velvet so I found a white table cloth at a thrift store to add on top of the red one I already had and the rest just kinda fell into place for my displays. The one thing I did not see on the ever expanding list of things to bring was a light and in the end that was what I needed most for both shows.
      The first show was at a small church here in Eureka it was $25 for a 6ft table. There were only around 10 vendors and at most 50 customers came through the show.  For me this was perfect. Starting out small often helps with my social anxiety.  While I sat there I had an excellent opportunity to asses the other vendors behavior and displays.  So even if I had not made a sale it would be a good learning experience for me.  There was one couple who were (I assume husband in wife) that spent 90% of the show necking.  There was another group of vendors that were so busy talking among themselves they did not pay any attention to the customers who did come through.  All of these vendors were upset after the show because they had not gotten any sales.  I spent the day doing the show with my 7 year old son and even though I was busy playing with him anytime a customer came through I made sure to greet them and let them know a little about my jewelry.  I had 5 sales at this show and have been told that was a really good average. (However I still have a re-sized item for a lady who forgot to come get it.  I wish I had remembered to get her number instead of me just giving her mine.)
      The second show was held at the VFW hall and was a benefit to help a local lady who has cancer. It was $10 plus a donation to their raffles. This was the most successful fundraiser I have ever seen.  Each vendor paid $10 for a table (some had 3 or 4) and donated a prize to the raffles.  There was 2 raffles the first occupied at least 6x6 and had almost 90 prizes valued between $10-100.  On the table were paper bags with the name of the item on it  for gift cards or the paper bag was sitting with a corresponding prize.  When you bought your raffle tickets ($1 each or 6/$5)  you simply put the half of the ticket with your name and number on it in the bag corresponding with the prize you wanted to win.  Totally awesome idea.  Then there was a smaller table with prizes valued at over $100.  The raffle tickets for these prizes came at $5 each or 6/$20 and like the other table you simply put the half of the ticket in the bag next to the prize you wanted.  There had a bake sale as well and Im still drooling over the fudge we got there. :)  I didn't get that many sales at this one but I totally considered it a day well spent!  (Even before I won a designer pink, black, and white paisley purse with matching wallet. This will probably be the only designer purse I ever own and certainly the most expensive so after a short war with myself I decided to keep it.)
     Both of these shows were a really awesome experience for me and I am incredibly thankful I did not chicken out this time.  However I hope I remember next year not to schedule them within a week of each other because now I'm sick which is my Fibromyalgia's way of saying slow down you idiot!

Sunday, November 11, 2012

A New Day A New Me

     So all this time I have had this blog and not written anything on it really. This partly do to the fact that I could not see myself coming up with fun articles on making jewelry everyday. Then I realized just because the blog is The Wild Tangent doesn't mean every single article has to be jewelry related. I am The Wild Tangent. So I have decided to start using this blog and I will write some on jewelry I am sure but I will also be writing on a lot of other subjects as well. I hope that everyone will enjoy it and try to look over the more obvious grammatical errors as I do not have grammar check on my pc. :)
      A little bit on me I am almost 34 married have 3 amazing children two who I miss every single moment and one that lives with me. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 2008 after years of back and neck problems sustained in a car accident on July 13, 2005. I plan on writing several posts on fibromyalgia and my journey to become a better me. I watched a video recently and what the Dr. said really hit home he said, "You can't say no to the pain but you can say no to the suffering." After months of my fibro worsening to the point that I feel awful 24 hours a day everyday I needed a new approach to my condition.  
     For those of you who are unaware fibromyalgia is  a condition that causes chronic muscle pain, stiffness skin sensitivity, and soreness. It also effects your mood, memory, and mobility.  In the video they explained it best when a  regular person uses their arm to wave the muscles take turns to accomplish the wave. When a person with fibromyalgia attempts the same action the muscle try to work at the same time essentially working against each other which causes strain and fatigue. It hurts to be touched most days even gentle hugs can be excruciatingly painful. My shoulders and arms fatigue fast. I have not been able to curl my hair in years. My arm cant do the motion, such a simple task yet virtually impossible for someone suffering with fibromyalgia. 
     After watching several videos on the disease a couple things became clear to me. The first is my hunch about sleep was correct, it is essential for fibromyalgia suffers to get deep restful sleep.  The sad part is fibromyalgia destroys your sleep. I can lay their and wake up every 45 minutes all night long until after 7 am the only good sleep I get is between the hours 7am and 3 pm.  The shocking part in the video was the other sufferers have the same sleep schedule. They too complain of waking up every forty-five minutes and say their best sleep occurs after 7 am. The other big topic issue is exercise.  I spent an hour pulling weeds and ended up with strains in both hamstrings so severe that I could barely walk.  It is hard to exercise when your body feels like you have been beaten with a 2x4 all over. Yet in this video they suggested starting out at 5 minutes a day and gradually increase it. They also said as soon as you feel fatigued or start hurting to much stop. People with fibro can over do it and end up laid up for weeks so half the challenge is listening to your body. This was not information I had been previously given. Just 5 minutes even I can do that. So for part of the new me is that I have promised myself to start exercising starting tomorrow. (today I cleared a space to do it in) I will be starting slow just 5 minutes using my wii like I originally intended when I got it. The difference is I know now that when I start hurting to much its time to stop.
     Another thing I will be doing is trying to keep track of how I feel.  All to often it is easy for us with fibro to do to much on our good days because we feel bad about how little we do on our bad days. I want to turn over a new leaf and not feel bad about the limitations my body has. So I hope if you know someone with fibro or have it yourself you will join me and maybe we can all start feeling better together. :)